And yet one more perspective.
As a young person growing up, I noticed that parents, the school system, the media, society at large appeared to be sending a message: be sensible, be practical, use your head, use reason. I was attempting to build a foundation. I was attempting to establish an operating system, a foundation from which I would build my future. What is the nature of reality? What is real? How does life work? These are some of the things I wondered about. OK, I should use reason, be practical, attempt to be clever as I make my way in the world.
On looking back, I recognize a pattern. At the time, I was unaware, unconscious to the building of this foundation, oblivious to the inner workings of a developing young mind.
However, an operating system was being established, a foundation, I utilized building blocks which to me consisted of what appeared to be those acceptable to my role models. Progressively more foundation blocks were placed. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” another building block. Into adulthood more blocks were placed. The foundation felt solid enough, a trustworthy base for living life. I cruised into adulthood unconsciously adjusting some small blocks now and again, feeling self-assured, pleased, yet unaware of the process of setting up this operating system.
It is only with hindsight one begins to recognize these elements of growing up.
Life’s events eventually shook this foundation, small shakes at first, then some major tremors. The sense of stability was shaken. Subconsciously at first, the reliability of the foundation was questioned. There was an underlying feeling of being dissatisfied, uncomfortable, unfulfilled. Is this what we do in life; be reasonable, be practical, be sensible? I suspected that there was something more, possibly some sort of inner spirit that was being neglected and this inner perspective was not about to accept a compromise. Indeed there were feelings of instability without solution. What to do next? There was a feeling of being at a loss as to what to do. There were times of some despair, then came more major tremors. This was not a time of complete, utter despair, yet there was significant despair as to an appropriate course of action. What to do?
Of all things, exploring the intuitive came to mind. For lack of any better idea, I decided to explore the intuitive. It may have been a decision to respect or to honor intuitiveness as opposed to merely making decisions based on reason and practicality. The decision was made on impulse. Over the next few days I observed and noted various coincidences. I made only mental notes of the occurrences. Writing things down would have been useful. At the time the thought did not occur that these were to be crucial, pivotal times.
Maybe it had been partially through reasoning and partly through feeling that I made a conscious decision to explore the intuitive. The process of approaching the intuitive has, for me, centered on releasing myself from the dominance of thinking. The rationale was that there was a possibility that as thinking subsides, the intuitive has the space to unfold and coalesce.
I made a conscious decision to “explore the intuitive,” if there was such a thing, and whatever that was to entail. I was hard up for an idea as to what to do yet it was not long before I became aware of an unusual urge to sculpt. Facing various financial commitments, I surmised that I must be dealing with an intuitive idea: the concept of starting to do sculpture as a means of dealing with financial commitments appeared to be neither clever nor practical. My sculpting experience was negligible.